N This is It
Never be erased♥
♥Copyrighted 2007
All Rights Reserved © Original
100% Copyrighted 2007 Blanche '♥
~Lightningslayer
Bloodred Sapphire
Bloodred Sapphire
Everything's going back to the time when there was nothing at all... It wasn't pitch-black darkness, yet it wasn't the blinding white light... It was just... nothing...
I find myself cleaning out my room, taking down everything that used to mean something to me and finding that they were just pieces of paper that told me everything contrary to what has been happening... Everything about God, about friendship... Everything about everything is going into this big black box... I don't know when they'll see the light of day again... Much less do I know when they will see my eyes again... Maybe tomorrow, maybe a few years later, maybe never...
I'm on the edge of saying that I don't believe in God anymore... I've cursed God, screamed at God, hated God to the core so often during this difficult period... I don't believe it's my fault, nothing ever changed for the better, everything just got worse and worse... It is not possible to say that God is good where I'm concerned... I don't think He even gives a damn... I don't know, the only person who can convince me otherwise is God Himself... (By the way God, good luck trying)
My room's walls are so white that it's unbelievable... Normally I'd be proud of having accomplished in making my room so neat, but this time, it feels so empty that even my mum said so... Well, maybe it's because it's time for a change... What that change is exactly I have no idea right now... But I guess I'll figure something out along the way...
In a way, I feel like I'm leaving though I'm not going anywhere... I'm preparing for a road that's going to be the most difficult to walk... Numbing myself from anything I'd feel along the way... Guilt, sorrow, despair, pain, fear... I know I have to do this on my own... Whether God is coming with me, or even cares, I don't know anymore...
~Lightningslayer
Bloodred Sapphire
Bloodred Sapphire
~Lightningslayer
Bloodred Sapphire
Bloodred Sapphire
This is for my best friend... For every possible reason in the world...
Yeah Vickster, Dude, Icky Vicky Sicky and every other name we've come up with under the sun... The reality of you leaving just hit me, ironically after reading your blog... I mean, I've known this fact for so long but I guess it somehow didn't register... Until now...
Hell, I know you're gonna be back in December, and June or something... But even as I'm going nuts about prelims and dying for them to be over, I'm actually wishing against reality... I'd do prelims 80 billion times over plus 20 thousand times the stress if I could get a definite guarantee that this 11 (coming to 12) year friendship would never change...
I mean, I can't stop you from going (duh) cuz it's your life and your dreams that you're on the way of fulfilling... And I must say I'm really glad that you're on that road because you're going to love it and do so well... Oh damn, now I'm sobbing away... Never thought that would be coming so early... But then again, when would that happen? At the airport? Yeah pretty much... (Obviously the stupid Chinese drama on tv didn't distract me from the whole revelation, lousy chinese dramas...God knows why my sis and mum watch them)
I dunno, I'm just gonna miss everything that we had and did... There's just so much of it... Every place in itsy bitsy Singapore (except for, oh i dunno, museums?) is just covered with our footprints and while you're gone, everything here will just remind me of the great times...
There's Spinky, the green laser thing, more Spinky... The "Sommerville wave (SPINKY!)"... Baba and us running screaming towards the gate... Hating Mrs Potter (and wondering how she ever got married)... Midnight cruising(after the 30km/h episode)... Moonbathing... The Dragon Lambourghini... Freaking ourselves out with horror films...Room cleaning... Shopping... Even preparing for the A levels and the "study camp"...
I dunno, there's just so much...
Honestly, I never thought I'd have a friend that would last this long and I guess, even though you aren't going to disappear down the Bermuda Triangle or anything, it just really wouldn't be the same... Four years IS a long time, and I can't believe that I'm actually afraid that our friendship may not withstand that test of time (though my mathematically-challenged brain says: what's four years compared to eleven?)...
I can't imagine what life would be like without the knowledge that I can just sprint 100m, ring doorbell and go "Hey dude, what's up?" cuz there never was one moment (for a very very very long time) that I couldn't do that... Even for the "Dude, I'm bored..." moments where all we can do is say that sentence, at least we were BOTH bored and that made it better than being bored alone...
I guess I'll just tell myself that nothing's going to change and know that it is true (or else the moon is made of cheese) and the HOUSE PACT still stands and... We'll both still be sitting in the same room planning our wishlists and savings plans 20 years down the road... (You'd better have gotten your Chanel 2.55 by then and be screaming down rollercoasters "I GOT MY CHANEL 2.55!!!!!!")
When you need a little encouragement wherever you are, just take the ballerina drawing I gave you out of the frame and flip it over...
I'm really gonna miss you...
P.s don't forget to remember me :)
~Lightningslayer
Bloodred Sapphire
Bloodred Sapphire
Take me to the castle in the sky...
Actually, an invisibility bubble would do, shield myself from the outside world with two way mirrors all around.. They can't see me but I sure can see them... (This sounds terribly like the person trapped in the '70s tupperware that called up The Serious World yesterday. Oh no.)
Maybe if they can't see me, they won't remember that I'm there... No hurtful words or completely unnecessary criticisms because they simply can't find me... Let the bubble muffle everything bad (sounds like the Class 95 ad on tv), "Only the Good Stuff". I suppose I'll need a prompt to nod or acknowledge their rantings and the most suitable candidate is certainly not the monkey clashing cymbals in my head...
Maybe things will change and people will start looking for me, only to find that I was there all along.. Or maybe nothing will change except for my transformation into the silent presence that's just a shade darker than nonexistent...Maybe I won't feel so anguished that I'm left behind in this race to God knows where because I'll just roll along in my little hamster ball of a bubble and see where it takes me...
I wonder what will happen if one day I decide that I want out... Will the world grab their heads and yell, "No, No, NO! Stick to the status quo!" a la High School Musical, or would they say, "who are you again?" or "where'd you go? I missed you so..." (yay Fort Minor)or...
I guess we'll find out when the bubble pops...
~Lightningslayer
Bloodred Sapphire
Bloodred Sapphire
~Lightningslayer
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...with you
~Lightningslayer
Bloodred Sapphire
Bloodred Sapphire
~Lightningslayer
Bloodred Sapphire
Bloodred Sapphire